Rules for Being Draco Malfoy
by Elf Princess Bloom
Summary: I'm sure I'll apologize profusely for this when I'm awake. But for now, read on and enjoy (and hopefully review!) The title is pretty much self explanitory. (very short)


DISCLAIMER: I'm not J.K. Rowling, so Draco doesn't belong to me. If I were making money from this, I would be at the nearest Giant buying large quantities of reduced-fat skippy.  
  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
~Draco Malfoy does not faint~  
  
~Draco Malfoy does not fall down, either~  
  
~If either rules one or two are broken, Draco Malfoy must blame it on the evil wanker in the invisibilty cloak who keeps knocking him over. (damn that guy, he follows me around as well)~  
  
~Draco Malfoy does not blush, or cry, unless it will get him some action with one of his groupies, in which case, he MUST make sure no one else is present before displaying the aforementioned signs of weakness.~  
  
~Draco Malfoy shall never disclose any private information to the public that might harm his bad-ass reputation. (ex. The bunny slippers, the teddy bear boxers, the stuffed monkey named Orville, that incident with the guy in the place which 'never happened', his imaginary friend Mr. Foofey NoNo...  
  
*Draco walks into the room suddenly as Fred tries desperately to cover up her computer screen.*  
  
DRACO: *suspiciously* What are you doing?  
  
AUTHOR: Nothing! I didn't tell them about you know who!  
  
DRACO: Voldemort? I believe everyone is already quite aware of him, he's everywhere. Why, just the other day I saw him in that wig shop in Diagon Alley trying on a blond 70's flip-do...very retro, the man has style.  
  
AUTHOR: *sitting down in the chair and looking confused* What were you doing in a wig shop?  
  
DRACO: Ummm...*He quickly looks around for a change of subject, and his gaze falls upon the computer screen* You told them about Orville? AND Mr. Foofey NoNo?!  
  
AUTHOR *blushes* well, I needed some examples...  
  
DRACO:You will erase that at once!  
  
AUTHOR: *angrily turns back to the computer and starts typing another rule*  
  
~Draco Malfoy shall not, under any circumstances, order the author to change her stories, simply for the fact that he is afraid of pure genius~  
  
DRACO: Hey, I'm still here! Stop writing about me!  
  
~Draco Malfoy shall NOT scream in the author's ear while she is trying to write.~  
  
DRACO: *defiantly* AHHHHHHHHH!  
  
~Draco Malfoy shall abide by previous rule or suffer the consequence of being beaten with that stick again~  
  
*Draco attacks the author and tries to take the keyboard away from her, but she continues bravely on, making many typos, but getting the point across*  
  
~Dracooo Malfiy shall bnot bite me:~  
  
*Draco finally gets hold of the keyboard and begins to type*  
  
~The author shall not write mean things about Draco simply because she is jealous of his beauty and natural charm~  
  
~The author should put away that stick before Draco's beauty is tarnished~  
  
*More struggling, followed by some rolling around on the ground. Draco gets back to the computer first, crawling because she still has hold of his legs*  
  
~The author shall never EVER mess up Draco's hair again, or he will steal the God-foresaken stick, place an engorgement charm on it, and knock off every one of her little toes~  
  
AUTHOR:That's not very nice! Don't you need your toes to walk?  
  
DRACO: No, I don't think so.  
  
AUTHOR:Oh...just one more question then  
  
DRACO:Shoot  
  
AUTHOR: I don't have a gun  
  
DRACO *rolls his eyes* you already used that one in another story.  
  
AUTHOR: When? Where? I don't remember  
  
DRACO:Just ask the damn question!  
  
AUTHOR:Why?  
  
DRACO: Why what?  
  
AUTHOR:*brakes out in song and dance* Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?  
  
DRACO:Is this your sadistic way of apologizing?  
  
AUTHOR: Yes, yes it is  
  
DRACO: Decided to get one last bout of cruel and unusual punishment out though, didn't you?  
  
AUTHOR: The singing wasn't that bad!  
  
DRACO:I was talking about the dancing. In any case, I forgive you.  
  
AUTHOR: Yaaaay!  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
ROCK! ...oops...i mean END! There you have it folks, the love child of me and a 2:30am sugar rush. review please! sorry the end is a little weak. 


End file.
